I read something in my psychosynthesis lesson that the contents of our relationship cannot be changed, but we (as identifier) can change our relationship to them – which would put a large part of the self-help industry out of business, and some of psychology’s schools of thought, lol. A lot of psychological work is not about change but about integration of what is already there, which itself is a great catalyst for change.
Much of what we have to learn in life doesn’t come from outside of us but are residing within, and waiting. I figure that it’s because the greatest lessons in life are universal and archetypal, something all humans have to go through in one form or another, so they are innate. We can learn facts, figures and other bits of info externally, but what we have to learn about life resides hidden within us, waiting to be recognised and integrated, as lessons encountered as part of the phases of life, or re-discoveries of lessons denied to us earlier in life.
In this sense, we don’t learn anything from life circumstances about ourselves and life, but they do offer a great opportunity to know ourselves and discover our own potential.